Greed

This morning I awoke to white smoke and an announcement from the Holy See: "Habemos Papa!" We have a Pope! Hooray! As for Latin America and Africa, home to half the world's Catholics and an out-of-control AIDS epidemic, respectively -- better luck next time, suckers! We got a conservative new pope from Germany who was once a Nazi! I say again, Hooray! Latin American Liberation Theology (people suffering under poverty and oppression should be helped) is OUT while old school Conservatism (endure hardship in this life while focusing on rewards in the afterlife) is IN! Even though 2.3 million Africans died of AIDS last year alone, they shouldn't use condoms to protect themselves and their loved ones from disease because prophylactics make Jesus cry. Oh, how the baby Jesus WEEPS about contraceptives in underdeveloped countries!

And all you Americans hoping the new pope would be more conciliatory and considerate to the 11,000 children who were molested by Catholic priests in this country -- well, tough! We got Joseph Ratzinger, a.k.a. "The Enforcer", who was in complete agreement with John Paul II about not blaming Cardinal Bernard Law, the Bostonian archbishop responsible for the molestor switcheroo and subsequent coverup. No apologies will be forthcoming, so quit your whining and redirect your anger towards Michael Jackson.

And if there are any women out there (reportedly, females make up about 50% of Catholics worldwide) hoping for some semblance of equality in this patriarchal church, you can forget about it! The Vatican doesn't need any of your input on doctrinal matters! And as for all you homosexuals -- just STOP asking for marriage because your entire life is a great big sinful lie! Except of course for homosexual priests who molest children. You guys were okay with JP2 and you'll be okay with Benedict the XVI, as well.

What does all this have to do with Greed? Not much. Not my greed anyway. But as I wrote in my first blog on the Seven Deadly Sins, I'm already resigned to living in Hell. I've already got my plot of fiery river-front land picked out. So whether I'm greedy or not doesn't really matter. What does matter is the fact that I'm going to have a lot of hypocritical Catholics as neighbors. People who thought they were doing the right thing. People who thought they'd end up inside the proverbial pearly gates. People who didn't believe that homosexuals were evil or that rich westerners should deny contraceptives to poor Africans, but obediently went to mass every Sunday and continued to donate money and resources to a church that hurts people. I'm not saying they have to follow my lead and go 88% atheistic, but they should at least stand up for what's right. If the man-made rules the Pope says you have to follow don't make sense anymore in today's world -- TELL him, for God's sake. Wait, scratch that. Tell him for humanity's sake.