Dumb just doesn't do it for me anymore

In 1993 I was a freshman at VA Tech, and I loved dumb blondes. Alabama Worley (née Whitman), played ever so sweetly by Patricia Arquette in True Romance, was my Platonic ideal of the female in form and action (but especially form -- know what I'm sayin'?).

Check out this video of Kelly Pickler. This is the first time I've ever heard of her (ignorance of American Idol is truly bliss) and hopefully the last. With her platinum locks, doe-eyed naiveté and sweet Tar Heel accent, she is the living embodiment of 'Bama; and she's helped me to realize that I don't find dumb blondes as attractive as I once did. In fact, the word "loathe" comes to mind.



Some representative Ms. Pickler quotations:

"I thought Europe was a country!"
"Buda...Budapest? I never even heard of that!"
"Like, I know they speak French there...don't they?"
"Like, I want to say...is France a country?"

[All of these lines get laughs from the audience, not the gasps of horror and shame they deserve.]

Are you as turned off as I am yet? Tomorrow I'm attending a panel discussion on nuclear energy at the California Science Center, where I'm hoping to encounter some hottie geniuses who can wash out the bad taste this clip has left in my mouth.

Looks can only get you so far in this country, Kelly, and the world is much bigger than this country. Even so, I'd still like to watch you beat the $#!+ out of James Gandolfini in a motel bathroom.