I can't go back to yesterday - because I was a different person then

Lewis Carroll said that. I've always loved that quote.

Here's a quote I don't love: on Monday, White House spokeswoman Dana Perino said, in response to a question, that "[a]s far as policy, the President believes that there is a right for people to bear arms, but that all laws must be followed. And certainly bringing a gun into a school dormitory and shooting -- I don't want to say numbers because I know that they're still trying to figure out many people were wounded and possibly killed, but obviously that would be against the law and something that someone should be held accountable for."

And I thought Ari Fleischer was heartless. While the Virginia Tech police were still "trying to figure out how many people were wounded and possibly killed"; while American families were frantically trying to get in touch with their loved ones at the university; while paramedics and doctors were working hard to save the lives of the wounded; this stone cold bitch is shamelessly pandering to Bush's gun-toting base. Really? Bringing a gun into a dorm and shooting people would be against the law? Someone should be held accountable? What planet are you from, Perino? Is it the same planet as the sons of bitches who rush to hold local NRA rallies in the days following a school shooting? Would that be Planet Asshole? Or possibly Uranus?

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for the 2nd Amendment -- with caveats. But I'm also for human decency and compassion. A simple, "I won't be lured into a debate on gun control -- right now we must focus on the victims of this tragedy" would have sufficed, Dana.

And it has been a tragedy, to be sure. I've watched more TV in four days than I have in the last four months. Not because I'm interested in seeing the killer posing with a hammer or the endless memorials to the victims, though. It's because I want to see images of Tech. I realize that I may sound as cold-hearted as Dana Perino, but think about it from a different perspective. One day after the VT "massacre", 171 people were killed by car bombs in Baghdad. I can't comprehend why I should care more for the deaths of these 32 in Virginia than for the 171 in Baghdad. They were innocents as well. They had families and friends who mourn them. They did not ask for death.

I sometimes wax nostalgic about my alma mater, but for the most part it's crowded out of my mind. In NoVA one sees Tech bumper stickers, sweatshirts, and caps all the time, but here in L.A. they are a rare occurence. Suddenly, images of the campus and its students are plastered all over Google News, and place names like the Drillfield, McBryde, and West AJ are cited by Warren Olney and Wolf Blitzer. This used to be my special place; my first home away from home. Room 7073 in West AJ was my first bedroom beyond the cosseting walls of my parents' house. Now everyone else knows of it too, but for all the wrong reasons. I find myself drinking in every frame of on-campus video, watching for pieces of my past in the collegiate gothic architecture and southern Virginia foliage. It's a shame that Tech and Blacksburg will now and forever be etched into the collective unconscious the way Columbine and Littleton are etched into mine.

I don't want to go back to yesterday - but I want to remember a past unblemished by a sorrowful present.