How to Speak Australian

G'day.....Hello/Hey/Good morning/What's up
Bottle-O.....Bottle shop (Liquor store)
Heaps.....A lot/very (as in, "That's heaps cool!")
Mate.....Man/holmes/dude/friend
How you going?.....How you doing?
Sultana Bran.....Raisin bran
Lolly.....Candy
Footy.....Football
Footpath.....Sidewalk
Haitch.....The letter "H" ( as in, "Haitch ess bee see bank")
Hyaah.....Here
Hungry Jack's.....Burger King
Whinge.....To complain
Reggo.....Registration
Cuppa.....Cup of tea
Light globe.....Light bulb
Umbrella.....Disposable instrument that keeps the rain off of you for 10 minutes before exploding in a gust of wind

ignorance ain't bliss

You know what's great about living in Australia? There's no chance that an economic simpleton will become the Vice President anytime soon.

That, and chocolate-scented deodorant.

Palin: wrong woman, wrong message

Dear America,

What's wrong with you? A new national poll has put Obama and McCain in a dead heat, 42% to 42%. Time is running out for you to wake the hell up. Oh, I watched a little of the Republican Convention; I can see the appeal of all those red, white and blue balloons. But it'll take more than helium to turn this ship around. And what's with McCain now claiming to be the "candidate of change"? Sir, you cannot wear that hat when you agree with the current administration on nearly 100% of its policies, including the failed and foolish ones (100% in 2008, 95% in 2007). In fact, McCain sided with Bush more than any other Republican in the Senate in 2007. This is the "candidate of change"? What happened to the Straight Talk Express of yesteryear? What happened to "the Maverick"? Where be your defiance now? Your ability to speak truth to power? Gone, like all my respect for you when you embraced Jerry Falwell's chubby flanks after rightfully calling him an "agent of intolerance". Crash and burn, eh, Mav?

America, please peruse this article on Sarah Palin from Thursday's L.A. Times, by Gloria Steinem (Yes, she was an idiot in the child sexual abuse scandals of the 1980s, but this time she's on the right side of science, unlike Ms. Palin). Click here to read the article in its entirety, these are just a few representative quotations.

"When asked last month about the vice presidency, she said, "I still can't answer that question until someone answers for me: What is it exactly that the VP does every day?" When asked about Iraq, she said, "I haven't really focused much on the war in Iraq."

"She opposes just about every issue that women support by a majority or plurality. She believes that creationism should be taught in public schools but disbelieves global warming; she opposes gun control but supports government control of women's wombs; she opposes stem cell research but approves "abstinence-only" programs, which increase unwanted births, sexually transmitted diseases and abortions; she tried to use taxpayers' millions for a state program to shoot wolves from the air but didn't spend enough money to fix a state school system with the lowest high-school graduation rate in the nation; she runs with a candidate who opposes the Fair Pay Act but supports $500 million in subsidies for a natural gas pipeline across Alaska; she supports drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Reserve, though even McCain has opted for the lesser evil of offshore drilling. She is Phyllis Schlafly, only younger."

Some pics from Sydney up on Flickr

Sydney Harbour Bridge, originally uploaded by xopherlance.

Sydney, Australia: world capital of abandoned umbrellas. Walking from Surry Hills to George Street in the driving rain today, I came across at least a dozen broken umbrellas; tossed aside in gutters, parks, on the footpath, and sticking out of rubbish bins. I even bore witness to an act of abandonment: I saw the wind rip an umbrella out of the hands of a girl six meters ahead of me and watched it float back, people dodging it, until it was caught by a man just in front of me. Actually it wasn't ripped from her hands, since she still held the handle -- it had broken off mid-stem. She didn't even attempt to recover it! She just threw the handle to the ground and leaned into the wind, driving her now empty hands deep inside her pockets.

I'm sitting on the top floor of the Apple store looking at the umbrella that I bought for $11 a few hours ago. It's already bent and pitiful. It won't close because the hooks that hold it shut were busted by the force of the gale. I'll probably toss it into the air on the way home and watch it sail away.

Go to http://flickr.com/photos/ninedragons/ to see the photos from last week, before the rains came.

my first foray into the southern hemisphere

Dear America,

I've been hired for a freelance gig by a company in Australia. The itinerary isn't finalized yet, but I think I'll be leaving for Sydney this Thursday. I'll be back around mid-October -- in my absence please come to the realization that John McCain is a lying (or senile) economic ignoramus married to a thieving drug addict. Sorry, reformed thieving drug addict. Can you imagine if the tables were turned and Mrs. Obama had been the one stealing from her own charity to feed her drug habit?

Have a good time, and don't forget to water my plants.

Sincerely,

SeeLance

Look Who's Popular Now

or, An Examination of the Comparable Popularity of my Most-Viewed Photos on Flickr.

Flickr has a useful and interesting "stats" page, wherein I can easily peruse my photos in order of popularity (judged by a number of criteria, but the one I find most interesting for the purposes of this discussion is Views, or my "200 most popular bits, ordered by the most views". What follows are my top five pics, in descending order:



This photo of Michelangelo's Moses is far and away my most popular, with a whopping 568 total views. What's so great about it? Nothing -- it's an average photo of a breathtaking but not overly famous sculpture in Rome. I've got a better photo of Vatican City's Laocoön group that didn't even break the top 15. But the link to "Horned Moses" pops up early on in Yahoo!'s image search engine; in fact, 147 people have image-searched Yahoo! for "moses" and stumbled across this photo. What does that say about internet users in general? I think it's safe to say that there are a lot of religious or religi-curious people conducting searches on the Web.



Next up, with 343 views is this pic of a Japanese student wearing socks bearing the Playboy Bunny emblem. Some key search phrases entered on both Yahoo! and Google that have yielded this photo are: " teen socks", "teen uniform", "playboy rabbit", and "playboy socks". Not only are the netizens of this world religious, they're also prurient. Fascinating dichotomy, no?




These next two photos (with 302 and 276 views, respectively) are similar and occur right next to each other in my photostream, so it's a fair assumuption that a visitor to one might spot and click the other's thumbnail also. These will rise to the surface if people conduct a search for "harajuku" or "harajuku girls". Thank you, Gwen Stefani.



This one is number five with a bullet. Only a few days ago did it edge past my sixth-most popular photo (another Harajuku girl), with 265 views. Google, Yahoo!, and Baidu (a Chinese search engine) searchers for "Bei Jing Huan Ying Ni" have clicked on this photo I took in HK last December. What can I say, other than that the Olympics are a phenomenon.

Olga Teresa Cordeiro Souza

with Grandma and Stitt in front of the HSBC building, originally uploaded by xopherlance.

July 31, 1926 -- July 22, 2008

"You would know the secret of death.
But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?
The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil
the mystery of light.
If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide
unto the body of life.
For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.

In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of
the beyond;
And like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of
spring.
Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.
Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands
before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honour.
Is the shepherd not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the
mark of the king?
Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling?

For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the
sun?
And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless
tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?

Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance."

Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

dreaming of eating at home

Daruma Gigante, originally uploaded by xopherlance.

I've been up in Walnut Creek for almost 3 weeks now. A bad time to be introduced to Just One Plate, a site devoted to some marvelous restaurants and patisseries (and their chefs) native to L.A. Fortunately, the site gives recipes from these eateries, so perhaps I can prepare braised loup de mer with butter lettuce or seafood nage normand for my grandmother up here. Prospects are doubtful, though: I made banana bread with my sister over the weekend, but it emerged rather gummy and dense.

What a difference a week makes

Ryozen Kannon, originally uploaded by xopherlance.

One week ago tonight, I was lying on the floor of Narita Terminal 1, delirious and feverish, vomiting every 15 minutes. I only recall bits and pieces, like a fast-fading dream, but I know that my sister and a Singapore Airlines rep had to escort me to my flight in a wheelchair. A severe case of food poisoning torpedoed my last day and a half in Japan, but it didn't scupper my entire trip. That was then. Before I returned to the States and heard the news.

I am now in Walnut Creek, in my grandmother's condo. I drove up from L.A. last night. My parents and I checked her out of the hospital today, and she is now sleeping fitfully behind me -- HFA has set up a hospital bed in her living room. Her oncologist expects her to live another month; four short weeks. I expect that I will be driving up and down the I-5 at least a few times for the duration, trying to remain here as much as possible.

As a diversionary tactic, I stayed up all night on Wednesday, my last night in L.A., uploading most of my photos from Japan to Flickr. As a distraction, it didn't work. Nevertheless, The photos are there, and here is the link.

Oyasuminasai.

Nihon ni ikimashou!

Fun Harajuku Girls, originally uploaded by xopherlance.

I'm out of the country for the next two weeks with JC. Tokyo, Kyoto, maybe Nikko...who knows. I'll share with you when I get back.